dining etiquette + children part 4: dirty diapers

I must apologize in advance for the severity of this post, I am outraged by a scene I witnessed this past week!

If I may help you envision what went on:

Here we are in restaurant X sitting down to a nice evening out (it could be wing night or a casual dinner, heck imagine yourself at McDonald's or even Rundles if you want).  You place your order and food arrives at the table.  At the next table a baby begins to cry quietly.  The mother (I presume) lifts the child, checks the back end and pronounces "ooh that's a stinky one!".  You wait with baited breath, assuming the child will be whisked away to a bathroom facility to be changed, but wait... there's a cloth going down on the table, drinks pushed to the side to allow for the make-shift change station to be laid out.  Baby is put on its back, pants removed, and that velcro/tape combo-sound grates down your back like nails on a chalk board.  That's right!  They're doing it!  Right there in the middle of the dining room, RIGHT ON THE TABLE.  You look down at your own table and wonder...  Brown stained baby wipes are stacked atop the soiled diaper - a scent wafts on the air...

You awake from the horrible nightmare right?  Wrong!

I was frozen in shock as I witnessed this scene unsure whether to ask the couple to leave the restaurant or just go out back and off myself from sheer embarrassment!

There is absolutely, without exception, no possible excuse or explanation for this event taking place in a dining establishment.  I don't care if it's a diner or a pub or a fancy restaurant.  It doesn't matter if it's just a peed in diaper, just a quick change, or you feel outraged because there is no change table in the washrooms.  Urine and feces do not belong in a room where food is being served.  Period.

dining etiquette + children part 3: throwing spaghetti

Parents, I challenge you to clean up after your children while in a restaurant!  I know it is nice to be able to walk away from a floor littered with crayons and pieces of paper, bits of food and spilled pop, but the server should not have to be responsible for such a mess.

You certainly wouldn't let 'little Johnny' throw his spaghetti at home, or would you?  The atrocious mess that is commonly left behind after a table with children leaves is unacceptable.  I've actually had children throw food/crayons at me and the parents just laugh!

Thank you but I am not a janitor, nor a babysitter (I was once, but not anymore) and I don't want to have to crawl under your table after you leave to scrape crushed crackers out of the carpet.

I have served a few families that are tidy and pleasant, the children have great manners and are cleaned up after when they make a mess, but unfortunately there are a great many rotten apples spoiling the pot.  So please, to those who don't usually clean up after your children - not only are you being uncouth but you are setting an example for your children that will be perpetuated with their children!

At least leave a big tip so the time we take to clean up the mess isn't totally wasted...

dining etiquette + children part 2: running about

The landscape of a restaurant may resemble a playground to some; pathways amidst tables trace exciting mazes, while overhead danger looms as gargantuan servers weave to and fro carrying plates of hot food and trays of cold drinks.  Even the terrain, littered with past broken glassware (swept up except for the minute shards), the dirt of a hundred feet, and bits of long forgotten food, speaks of a safe and joyful place for children to frolic.

No, wait!  It's dangerous for small people to run unattended through a restaurant, busy or not!  That sounds more like it.  I understand as a young parent you feel the overwhelming joy every time little Susie takes a step, my concern is, that you should realize how badly hurt little Susie could end up with a bowl of scalding soup dropped on her head.  Allowing your, (admittedly adorable) little toddler to waddle their way through the restaurant is not okay.  Children who are slightly older are even more dangerous because they move faster!

You see, the problem is: we can't see them!  When you're carrying a tray filled with drinks or balancing six plates you have what is commonly referred to as a 'blind spot'.  That spot settles exactly at the height of a small child.  Even if the server is deft enough to manoeuvre around the child, it can still result in spillage.  Are you the parent jumping out of your seat to offer to pay for the lost product?  Probably not.

Beyond the danger: one must consider the other guests.  A large number of people who have children spend their money selectively when dining.  They leave the children with Grandma and head out to have a little quiet time to themselves.  Their careful planning is thwarted by other parents allowing unruly children to run in circles around the restaurant - this is unacceptable.

Well behaved children are a rare delight in the restaurant industry.  But for those parents who let their children run rampant, please, the by-ways in a restaurant are not for playing in - keep your child safe and out of harm's way by keeping them in their seats!

dining etiquette + children part 1: crying babies

Back in the good old days when children were 'seen but not heard' dining out had one less distraction. With the exception of Chuck-E-Cheese's (and some other family friendly restaurants) there is no place in an adult oriented restaurant for a crying baby/child.  Somewhere along the line parents forgot how to deal with the situation when it arises, allow me to refresh your memories:

The solution here is easy, when a small child starts to fuss, count to ten in your head, if the child continues to makes unpleasant noises beyond these first ten seconds, stand up, pick the child up and REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE DINING ROOM!  The allowable time frame does stretch a little when you are in a noisy diner or a family restaurant, but in casual fine dining establishments or above, allowing your child to cry in the dining room is unacceptable.  You may be used to the sound, but that couple having a romantic dinner at the table next to you are not.

This goes for a child of 3-4yrs as well.  Sitting in a pleasant coffee shop with a child who is acting up and trying to discipline your child while remaining there is unfair to the other patrons.  The key is to remove yourself and your child from the area where other people are paying for things (I can't stress this enough!).

You may not realize, but you could even cause a fine dining restaurant to lose money.  Due to your screaming child some people may choose to leave before dessert that they otherwise would have had, or even worse, the server may have to comp part of the meal (or all of it depending on the severity of unpleasantness).

Personally, I understand that part of the cost of dining out is paying a babysitter, I encourage other parents to adopt this same philosophy.