may the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use

Here's to being Irish, if only once a year, to clasping hands and sharing your table with anyone in need of a chair.  To luck being on your side, and a fine lass being at it!

Here's a couple of useless facts to enjoy with your Guinness today!  I'll drink a few for me and a few for those who have to work at an Irish Pub (or any pub for that matter) on such a day as this.

On Guinness:
1. The St. James's Gate Guinness Brewery was leased for 9000 years at an annual fee of £45! This lease includes fresh water rights.

2. In 2006, more Guinness was sold in Canada than in Ireland.

3. Over 10 million glasses of Guinness are sold every day.

4. Guinness contains only 198 calories per pint. That is less than most light beer, wine, orange juice.

5. The perfect pour should take 119.50 seconds. It is a result of a double pour at a 45 degree angle. The result a creamy head on a smooth dark beer served at 6 degrees Celsius.

'Pubs' in Stratford to enjoy a pint o' the good stuff: Molly Blooms, Bentley's, Boar's Head, The Parlour, Pour House and Foster's.  Of course Molly's has the luck o' the Irish on their side, so I'll be seeing you there, after the parade of course. 

Irish Proverbs to ponder whilst drinking:

May those who love us love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.

The reason the Irish are always fighting each other
Is they have no other worthy opponents.

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

St. Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland.
Here's toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good St. Patrick
And see all those snakes again.

Health and a long life to you.
Land without rent to you.
A child every year to you.
And if you can't go to heaven,
May you at least die in Ireland.


And of course, a little music to get St. Patty's Day started off right:

please inform your server of all dietary concerns (real or imagined)

Are you allergic?  I mean really allergic?  Is there some kind of food that even if its nearby will send you into anaphylaxis?  Your wind pipe immediately closes, your lips/tongue/throat swell to twice their normal size and you break out in hives from head to toe - the only thing that will save your life is an epi-pen and an ambulance to the hospital.  If so please leave the restaurant, it's really not safe.

For everyone else, call ahead!

First off, there is something that people with allergies should know - particularly for the more severe allergens (nuts, shellfish, gluten) TELL YOUR SERVER!  This should happen prior to ordering/consuming your dinner (preferably when you make your reservation).  A chef certainly does not detail every ingredient that he puts into a dish, and most cooks don't know what ingredients are in the pre-packaged foods they serve you.  Do not dive into your tasty looking dessert and when you get to the oh-so-delicious crunchy centre, turn to your server and ask "Are there nuts in this?".  Even if the answer is no, there are probably nuts somewhere in the kitchen, those nuts were possibly on the cutting board that your over ambitious apprentice chef just chiffonaded that lovely mint garnish on.

However, if it's not really an allergy, don't pretend!  You'll probably end up missing out on something delicious.  For example: stocks are used as the base to most sauces found in a restaurant and stocks are made with onions.  So if consuming an entire raw onion causes a little unseemly late night flatulence, then tell your server that you "don't much care for onions - but it's not an allergy".  This will allow the server to properly communicate with the kitchen - they will remove all large quantities of onion but you will still get the red wine demi-glace that makes your prime rib so wonderful.

Be an informed guest.  If you are allergic to an onion then it is likely you must also avoid shallots, leeks, garlic, chives and scallions.  With a 'nut' allergy, there is often a significant difference between legumes (peanuts) and tree nuts (walnuts/almonds/cashews/hazelnuts/pecans/macadamia nuts/chestnuts/pine nuts/pistachios).  Does your shellfish allergy include both crustaceans (shrimp/crab/lobster) and mollusks (clams/mussels/oysters/scallops), or just one set or the other?  Have celiac disease?  Don't assume you know what to look for, there could be Guinness in your ice cream, or your pork ribs could have Ale in the the BBQ sauce!  And don't forget, if you say you're allergic to dairy that can include butter, goat/sheep/cow cheeses, yoghurt.

In short, information is key, no server wants to be responsible for someones untimely demise, but the more often the word 'allergy' gets thrown around, the less we believe you. Stop crying wolf!

separate cheques, please!

Some restaurants vehemently deny even the remote possibility of offering separate cheques to parties larger than 4; others graciously promise that, even at 7:45pm with a packed house heading to the theatre, it's absolutely not a problem. 

Now, if a server is organized to the point of anal retention and the POS system (cash register) is set-up perfectly and everyone at the table has ordered for themselves (read: no sharing of wine/salad/etc) then it's easy.  Also, if it's quiet in the restaurant, not at a peak time, and your server is organized at all and they have the use of some kind of POS system then it also shouldn't be a big problem even if there are shared items.  BUT: when the restaurant is packed there just isn't time!

Imagine it takes only 45 seconds per split cheque (which is pretty quick), multiply that by the number of separate cheques, then add 2 minutes per cheque (to process a credit/debit card or make change).  Let's use a table of 10 for easy figuring, say 4 couples and 2 singles.  That is 6 cheques right? That means it will take your server a total of 16 and a half minutes to take care of your cheques - who is taking care of the other tables in your server's section? What if there is another table who wants to split their bill?

Would you like to be ignored by your server for 16.5 minutes while the panic rises in your throat that you're not going to make it to the theatre on time!  You don't blame the table across the room who is taking up your server's time, you blame your server, hence their disdain towards separate cheques.

Here are some basics if you feel the need to request separate cheques:
A. let your server know ahead of time: don't blindside them when they approach the table with the bill
B. no musical chairs, we don't know your names or faces so we organize you by seat - stay in it!
C. if you want cheques by couple: sit together
D. know what you had but don't nit-pick; if you've shared something with another person at the table who is on a different cheque and you get a larger portion of the cost of that item, just pay for it (the difference of a few dollars - or cents - isn't worth the hassle).
E. we can split items between people (eg. equal parts of 3 bottles of wine split between 5 people) - but please specify in advance.

This might all seem complicated, but if you follow these guidelines, the average server will be able to keep everything moving well - but think for a moment about this: if you don't like the people you are dining with enough to split the cheque evenly, even though there may be a small difference in the price, maybe you shouldn't be sharing a dining experience with them.

foie gras - beyond the controversy

I'm going to set aside the great debate over the process used to create foie gras and focus on the fact that it is somewhat irresistible.  When prepared properly foie gras is unbelievably delicious (though a low grade can taste/smell musty - kind of like wet dog).  The buttery richness of it remains somehow delicate and when paired with the right flavours it can be one of the most exhilarating things for your mouth.

Basically this is a comparison of foie available in the city, which basically consists of only two examples, so to round the list I have included some presentations from other cities: so in no particular order...


Foie Gras Torchon Brulee w/ stone fruits and brioche toast points $30
~This was a gorgeous (and generous) example of foie gras torchon, delicately creamy with a slight hint of nuttiness.  The top of the foie was dusted with sugar and bruleed to create a sweet/crunchy element to the dish.  Simple accompaniments of perfectly ripe peaches and cherries allowed the foie to shine through. (One Restaurant - Toronto)

Quebec Duck Foie Gras w/ duck confit cakes, barley and banyuls vinegar sauce $40
~The foie in this dish was served in two pieces, scored and perfectly prepared and this precise execution carried throughout the dish in every element.  Unfortunately, though each individual element was technically perfect the dish as a whole was a let down.  The consistency of the duck confit and mashed potato cakes was too mushy to contrast the foie properly, as was the barley.  All the elements were very rich, which ultimately made the foie gras itself seem lacking - I feel this would have been better as a winter dish. (Rundles Restaurant - Stratford)

Quebec Foie Gras w/ black pudding and mango $29
~At first, the description of black pudding ('boudin noir' was the French version they were using) was rather disconcerting, certainly not for the faint of heart.  But as a dedicated foodie, I will try anything (and am often pleasantly surprised).  This surprise was very pleasant.  The foie was scored, seared and placed precariously on top of the boudin in the centre of the plate, surrounded by cubes of mango prepared in different ways.  The flavours balanced each other perfectly!  The richness of the pudding complimented that of the foie and the mango was there to be the sweet/tangy contrast.  Exquisite.  (The Church Restaurant - Stratford)

Foie Gras Croquettes $4 ea
~A simple delicacy, Chef Nick has taken the famous Chef Picard's foie gras bites and made them his own.  The pastry that envelops the decadent little nub of foie is perfectly soft/light/crispy.  These are dangerous little morsels, you could easily sit down with a bowl of them and pop them in your mouth one after another!  Perfect as an amuse or perhaps an additional course somewhere in the middle of dinner. (Nick & Nat's Uptown 21 Restaurant - Waterloo)

I love foie!  Rarely do I pass it up when I find it on a menu.  It can be prepared in a plethora of different ways, from poutine to a simple slab placed atop your beef tenderloin.  It adds a certain decadence to things that is hard to find in any other food.  I can only hope that more restaurants in the Stratford area will put foie on their menus more often.

eat @ Pazzo

The only thing that is unfortunate about Pazzo is that the ristorante doesn't open for another couple of months.

Pazzo is the perfect place for any occasion. Whether it's a romantic dinner or just grabbing lunch with a friend.

The wine list is just extensive enough to satisfy without reaching to pretension and the mark-up is reasonable. Cocktails are innovative and original - try the farmers' martini, you won't be disappointed.

Meaghan and Amanda do a lovely job directing the staff in the pizzeria and ristorante respectively. The service is capable and attentive though sometimes a bit unpolished (which seems part of the charm) and it's great to see the owners of a restaurant so involved.

During peak season I recommend anyone local should aim to go for dinner around 8:00 to miss the tourist rush.

sit up straight...like your mama taught you

Dear Sir,

I truly admire your perfectly tailored three piece suit;  The 3 blackberries attached to your hip are a nice touch as well;  And I know you are probably a COO or a CFO or some combination of letters that make you feel important.  But, please, if you don't mind, pull your chair in, just a little!  Stop leaning back like a frat boy waiting for a blow job.  Your server is trying to get behind you!

Sincerely,
Your Server

don't touch the olives...

I used to like a good dirty martini, now I can't drink them.  Though some will dispute that the gin (or vodka) is being polluted by the brine, I enjoy the salty/savoury addition to the cocktail.  But it's hard to get a 'clean' dirty martini.

Bartenders and servers everywhere are sticking their dirty fingers in the olives.  It's not so much about the couple of olives they pull out, it's about what is left behind.  Your bartender touches your ice, your straw, your fruit, why not your olives, right?  It's all about the brine.  Every time someone shoves their dirty bartender's fingers into the olive jar they leave 2 little somethings behind - bacteria & natural oils.  This bacteria/oil combo starts to react with the brine, forming little white things - we'll call them 'fat globules' - and when someone orders a dirty martini these 'fat globules' end up in the drink. Gross.

Unfortunately, this phenomenon is not limited to low grade restaurants.  It's surprising how dirty most olive jars are.  So the next time you have a dirty martini, drink it at home.